regaining trust is harder than it seems ((Clark, Harry Dresden))

[slayers_desire]

It has been weeks since April's voices were returned to normal, thanks to the efforts of Clark, Ed and Cipher Nine. And while the voices returned to their everyday work, of providing assistance and advice to the Key, it seemed that she wasn't willing to pay attention.

April was scared, truth be told. She was scared in trusting her voices again.

It was J'onn who informed Clark that his wife was refusing to provide advice to the other JLA members. And while no one had suffered yet, it was like the team was missing a big part of their strengths.

Comments

[slayers_desire]

"My clairvoyance is a living entity itself. And he infected the voices, so that they would deceive me. A life... was taken because of an erred vision."

[thepizzalord]

"Hell's bells. April, I'm sorry." Harry's no stranger to killing, but it really sucks to have someone die who didn't deserve it, especially if it was an accident.

[slayers_desire]

"Clark, and two close friends of mine, went into my mind to battle Adam, the thing that infected me...."

"And they did defeat him..."

"But I am still so scared..."

[thepizzalord]

"If he's gone, what's scarin' you?"

[slayers_desire]

"That I will hurt someone again..."

[thepizzalord]

"I'd offer to do an exorcism, but it sounds like you don't need one anymore." Harry's a little slow on the uptake about why he's the person to talk to about this.

[slayers_desire]

"No. But I thought it would help to talk to someone who has experience... with voices in their head that is not their own."

[thepizzalord]

"Oh," he says as the penny drops. "That's... yeah, I can see why I'd be your guy."

Lasciel stirs a little, paying slightly closer attention, though her vigilance never really stops.

[slayers_desire]

"I know my connection to the voices is different... but I just am struggling so much relating to them right now."

[thepizzalord]

He nods slowly. "Okay... what do you want to talk about?" He remembers that he's told her about how Lasciel came to be with him, or at least the cliff notes version, but not much about what it's like.

[slayers_desire]

"What is your relationship like Lasciel like?"

[thepizzalord]

"Right now? We have an... understanding. It's kind of a business relationship, I guess. She needs a host, and I needed the extra firepower. There are some... drawbacks... but I can't do much about that." He doesn't really want to think about the whole damned soul part of the whole thing. It was a decision that took him years to make. "She lets me do most of the talkin' and the walkin'." The way he phrases that implies, correctly, that it's her decision how much of his behavior is his own. "She watches and learns, and when we need her to come out, no one's left standing."

[slayers_desire]

"I really never researched where my voices originated. How they got to me... except for being inherited from my mother."

"In your business relationship, do you trust her?"

[thepizzalord]

"She has a vested interest in keeping me alive and well," he says, which isn't exactly a yes.

[slayers_desire]

"They are always there..." April touches her temple. "Whispering to me. Even when I try to ignore them..."

"I wish I knew if they still wanted to keep me alive and well."

[thepizzalord]

He's silent for a moment as he gathers his thoughts. "Lash wasn't always like this, with me. Before I took up the coin, she started off as just whispers. Kind of like an imprint or an echo, like when you write in a notebook and the next page still has the lines of whatever you wrote."

[slayers_desire]

"There are times I wish I could understand them better..." And she doesn't mean by literally understanding their words. But understanding their origin.

"A part of me... fears that they could easily foretell dark events."

[thepizzalord]

"I didn't think that was out of the ordinary," he says, a little confused.

[slayers_desire]

April struggles to explain for a moment. "In his role of Superman, Clark is seen as a becon of light, hope and goodness."

"And if my powers are darkness... tied to the darkness... then how could I..."

"I could be his worse enemy."

[thepizzalord]

"Lemme stop you right there because that is bullshit, pardon the French," Harry says. "If your powers come from darkness that doesn't mean you are darkness, and there's no way you'd ever turn against your man just because you see some rough stuff. Where your powers come from means nothing against how you use 'em."

[slayers_desire]

His hard truth is just what she needs right now. And she reaches out to touch his hand in gratitude.

"My belief was shaken... how do I get it back?"

[thepizzalord]

"I'm not sure," he says, but he is putting his mind to the task. "You might have to use your powers to do some good, but if you're too afraid to start using 'em again, that won't help." He thinks for a moment. There's two things he can think of to try, but each one is a very serious thing to do. "The way I see it, I can give you two options. Either I can use the Sight on you and let you see what you truly are... or we can Soulgaze."

[slayers_desire]

"What are the consequences and benefits of each option?" April is taking his suggestions seriously, but wants to know more.

[thepizzalord]

"A wizard's inner Sight is kind of a sixth sense that lets me see things that aren't visible to the naked eye. It's kind of like a supernatural truth-teller. I'd be able to see any darkness, anything hidden that you haven't told me about what you are. So if I didn't know you were a vampire before, the Sight would show me that, but it goes deeper than just physical glamour tricks. I had a cop friend, back in my world. She was the no-bullshit kind of gal, didn't hesitate to go up against the bumps in the night, that kind of thing. Totally mundane human being as far as species go, but when I looked at her with the Sight, she looked like an avenging angel. Blazing wings and everything. Even her pistol was a holy sword."

"The downside of the Sight is whatever I see, I can never forget. It's not like normal memories where they soften and fade over time. It'll be burned into my memory for the rest of my life, something I can call up at a thought. It's why we don't use it often."

He shakes his head a little, moving on to the next option. "You might've noticed that I don't actually look people in the eye, yeah?"

[slayers_desire]

"Sounds very serious. And no wonder you don't use it very often."

"I have noticed... that has to do with the Soulgaze?"