slayers_desire | trying to make the pieces fit ((Buffyverse plot))

April covers her mouth. She can only watch as Clark experiences what Victor once had to go through.

Just like Jonathan's death... there is nothing she can do to change it. Nor can she wish it away.

April glares at her mother. "Our worst memories... he is going to have to go through all of them?"

Drusilla smiled, as sweetly as she could. "He did ask."

April hisses softly, and joins Ed with hugging Victor. She calls out to Clark, but is also talking to Victor in a way... "We are here for you. You are not alone."

Clark was not expecting this, to be put literally in Victor's shoes, unable to move or speak beyond what she said and did at the time. He feels the pain of the knife the way she did, enduring as she had to. The only lifeline he has is that his friends are there.

And he would willingly put himself in her place if it meant sparing her this.

Victor is stiff in their arms but she leans her forehead against Ed's shoulder so she doesn't have to look. She whispers, "This is so embarrassing. Clark, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry."

Another cut, deeper this time and along her forearm, and another kiss, more insistent. "You know," he growls. "He wants me to let him out so he can heal you. But I think I'll have a little fun first. He wants you to know he's sorry. For whatever that counts."

He's in her friend's body. He's in her friend's body as he does this to her.

Which adds a layer of surreality. Clark is in her body while J is in Frea's body, but really, no one's there at all.

"Are you afraid?" J asks.

Real Victor at this moment must have said something smart alecky because she gets slapped across the face, and suddenly J's quiet with rage and he presses the point of his knife right under her chin, at that soft spot that moves when you swallow. "Are you afraid now?"

((Have fun!))

Edited 2013-01-06 00:28 (UTC)

((Okay, I lied a bit... In the intermission right now, and I have time to tag, so I am. :) And yes, I'm having fun!))

Ed refuses to watch what's happening, for both Clark's sake and Victor's. Inwardly, he's dreading the moment when Clark will have to confront his worst moment—and he's not even sure what it's going to be; that's how much pain and sorrow he's had to live through. He's considered a bunch of different events his worst memory at some point or another.

He tries not to dwell too long on it right now, and instead tries to focus on offering comfort to Victor, resting a hand on the crown of her head and the other on her back. And he still wants to beat the everliving snot out of J.

((intermission tag! awesome))

"What do you think lamb... is this challenging enough for the Man of Steel?" Drusilla purrs softly in April's ear.

April growls and turns, swiftly pinning her mother to the wall. "This is inhumane."

"Little lamb has not learned yet. The wolf must be fought." Drusilla signals and a door appears. Just outside of Clark's reach in the memory-body of Victor. "You may pass if he can open it."

If I can...? Clark's not sure if he can use his strength in Victor's memory-body, but he'll give it a shot. How else can he get to it? How did Victor get out of this situation, and when? For all he knows, they might be stuck here for hours before they can escape.

It doesn't do a thing to lessen his determination, though.

"I had to try to make him mad enough so that he wouldn't get handsy, but not so mad that he'd kill me. It... wasn't easy." She straightens up now, face flushed pink. She had to be brave. Clark was being brave, and she had to be brave, she had to stand tall. This was seven years ago. She's over it. She's mostly embarrassed that her best friends, and now her new friend, need to be in on this very private, terrible moment. She counts it a blessing that Ed isn't watching.

She continues in a hushed tone, "He was a telepath, so once he figured out that I was trying to control the situation, things got much worse for me."

The amount of cuts has reached six now, deep enough to make a person hazy. "It's not fun if you're not conscious," he mutters, and then there's something different about J. He's not J anymore.

"Victor?" he asks softly, voice a different voice, even his body language has changed. Not-J cares for her modesty enough to cover her up with his shirt before laying hands on her, and the bleeding wounds turn to pink scars. And, in response to what Victor says, "I love you too. We have to get you out of here before he takes over again." Hastily, he unties one wrist, his hands are shaking, he knows he can't hold him back much longer.

This could be Clark's chance, though in real life, Vic stayed for weeks.

((And I'm back! Concert didn't last as long as I hoped it would... but it was nonetheless absolutely incredible.))

Ed continues to keep one hand in contact with Victor after she straightens up, to show his support, then turns a furious death glare and growl on Drusilla. "This is disgusting!" he rages at her. "First you make Victor relive something this horrible, and then you make Clark go through it too?!" He wouldn't wish this kind of torment on his most bitter enemies, much less on someone he respects and cares about.

He's been trying not to listen, either, but he does take note of the abrupt change in J's behaviour. It doesn't do much to quell his anger—now aimed at Dru, rather than J—and he still doesn't turn to see what's going on. He just hopes that Clark can take the opportunity that's arisen with this development and get to the door.

Something changes when Victor started to be brave. It just wasn't that the moment in the memory changed too, with her friend reclaiming his own mind from J. But Clark would notice that he did indeed have his strength. That it would be easy to break free and reach the door.

Meanwhile, Drusilla giggled softly. "First... first... this is not first. This is second. Who will be next?"

"Clark... go for the door..." April moves away from Drusilla to return to Victor's side. "We can move past this."

Clark's not sure why things have taken such a turn, but he doesn't question it, breaking free of the other restraints. The knife wounds pull as he gets up and heads for the door, leaving a blood trail behind. This isn't the first time he's been in Victor's body, and oddly enough, it's almost easier than last time. Part of it is that she isn't as physically worn down as she was then, and part of it is the knowledge that she doesn't have to go through this again right now. He can endure it for her.

She's young, then. Her joints aren't grinding bone on bone, the impact damage is minimal; now she's working with the equivalent of being hit hard by five trucks.

She touches Clark's shoulder, gently, hand steady again for the first time since it seems like forever. "Thank you. And I'm so sorry you had to see this. Be in this. I'm just sorry."

When they go through the next door, one of the first things Clark might notice is that all of his right arm and his left leg from mid-thigh down won't feel... right. And actually, they won't feel like much of anything; there is some sensation, but... it's barely noticeable and roughly equivalent to the feeling of muscles tensing and relaxing—except it's wire tension, not muscle fibre.

Ed's memory-body is dressed much as the real Ed is now, except that his red coat is gone and the right sleeve of the black jacket he's wearing has been ripped off, bearing his Automail arm. He's also not wearing either of his white gloves.

He's running, through a darkened hallway in a large mansion, towards a set of open double-doors leading into a library that's also large and filled to the brim with books on Alchemy. No lights are on in either the library or the hallway; the only light source is dim moonlight filtering in through the library windows.

He'll come to a halt as he enters the library and sees a tall, lean, well-muscled man with spiky black hair slowly rising to his feet as though recovering from something, still doubled over slightly. A record is skipping a little in the background, having just run out of song to play. There's an Alchemy array on the floor, which the man is standing next to, a complex one with a Mercurial Cross incorporated into it. Memory-Ed was barely out of breath from sprinting after this man, who has kidnapped his younger brother.

Al... is nowhere in sight. Just this man.

Halting just past the doorway, memory-Ed had said, "I've found you, Greed!" Then he started walking towards Greed, steadily, no longer in a rush now that he's found his quarry.

Greed turns slightly so that his profile is visible; he has beady, violet eyes with slit-pupils, like a cat's. His only response to memory-Ed is a weary little chuckle.

The real Ed immediately realizes what memory this is the moment the group finds themselves in the hallway. There's an expression of dread on his face as he quietly says, "No, why this one?! Why does it have to be this?! He's... he's going to have to kill someone!"

This is the night Ed fought and killed the homunculus Greed. The first time he deliberately took another person's life—the first time he chose to kill. It originally happened just under a year ago, and Ed... well, the guilt from it still weighs heavily on his shoulders.

Edited 2013-01-06 23:09 (UTC)

There is no rest for the group as they move from another memory to another. April winces a second, when she watches Clark take on the memory of another person. Hearing what Ed says about this particular memory... She shakes slightly.

"Can't we do something?"

It won't be Clark's time feeling the desire to kill, but actually doing it... there's only one time he may have taken a life directly, and he's still not sure if he did or not.

He can't stumble in Ed's memory-body, more a passenger than a pilot, no matter how strange it feels. Nor can he look away from this man - this creature - that Ed calls Greed.

Better me than Ed, Clark tells himself, though he's not sure how true that might be.

Now it's Victor's turn to comfort, and she links fingers with Ed, squeezing his hand tightly. She can't say that it'll be alright, because, who knows. So she says, instead, in a low murmur, "I understand," which is certainly the truth. She hasn't killed anyone, but she got painfully close to killing J, after she started working as a hero. He attacked her again, made her helpless again, and she... retaliated. She hog tied him and left him in a room with a sonic device until she calmed down. She understands.

Edited 2013-01-06 23:52 (UTC)

Ed looks over at Victor, then gives her a very small, very strained smile, and squeezes back. He shakes his head at April's question and replies to her, quietly, "It all happened so fast... I don't think there's going to be a way for Clark to stop it from happening... And if I hadn't killed Greed, I wouldn't have known how to defeat the other homunculi..." He turns to Clark next and calls to him, "I'm sorry, Clark; this is one of the last things in the world I would've wanted you to have to go through."

Lying on the ground a short distance away is the body of an old woman that's been torn in half; the moment Memory-Ed spots it, he freezes, sickened anger filling him. The name Ed associated with that woman at the time was 'Dante', the woman who had taught his own Teacher, Izumi Curtis, Alchemy. "What the Hell...?!" He turns back to the homunculus and demands, "Explain this, Greed! What happened here?!"

Greed finally straightens up, sliding on a pair of sunglasses and shrugging. "Beats me; I was gonna ask you that, kid."

"You did this to her, didn't you?!" Memory-Ed demands, immediately jumping to that conclusion because they're the only two people here, and the blood is fresh. Greed doesn't reply, except to fully turn to face him. "Are you gonna answer me?!"

"Blame me if you want; I really don't care."

Memory-Ed has to look away to try control the rage. He's only partially successful. "How could you?! She was helpless!"

That seems to amuse Greed, who replies, "Tell me, Edward Elric, how could you go so far to protect your little brother?"

That makes Ed even angrier, something of a How dare he! reaction going through his mind. "And what does that have to do with anything?!"

Greed lets out a huff of breath, then says, "Feelings can be hard to explain." Then the smug little smile Greed's wearing (he has jagged, triangular teeth, like a shark's) disappears from his face, replaced by a neutral mask.

Momentarily confused, the anger disappears from Ed's heart, replaced immediately by worry. "What're you talking about? What've you done with Al?!"

Greed places his hands on his hips, and that slight, smug little smile returns again. "If you want him back, come on; you know what it takes."

Memory-Ed knows he's not going to get Greed to tell him where his brother is without a fight, and something like resignation fills him as he slides into a ready stance, hands raised in a guard in front of his chest, knife-edges facing out, sliding one leg back so he can be ready to lunge forward at a moment's notice. Greed, meanwhile, reaches up and takes off the fur-collared vest he's wearing as his skin starts to turn black and hard, the whites of his eyes turning red... Greed has shifted into his true form. The Ultimate Shield.

"Four little lambs... lost in the woods... hope in their hearts, but need to find more... wolves in their way, will they run?" Drusilla is singing softly behind them.

"Wolves?" April turns slightly. That is not the first time her mother mentioned wolves.

Clark's memory was short-lived, mostly because Clark had already made peace with that memory. Victor's memory was able to be conquered, once she faced it with courage in her heart. Maybe...

"Ed... I think you will need to make peace with this memory."

Would that work? Clark wonders. Greed doesn't scare him, but he doesn't look forward to seeing Ed's first voluntary kill up close and personal, either.

She glances, startled, up at the creature Greed became. She's used to really being in a place, for needing to have escape plans, and this is sort of unnerving. She gives his hand another squeeze, silent moral support.

Real-Ed is shaking, still holding tight to Victor's hand. "How the Hell am I supposed to make peace with the fact that I killed a man?" he asks, his voice shaking as much as his body is.

Greed takes the first strike, swinging several punches at Memory-Ed which Ed blocks with his raised Automail arm. After four blows from the homunculus, the steel prosthetic loses several bits and pieces, the cover plate on the forearm coming loose and exposing the wires and steel 'skeleton' inside the arm. Fortunately, none of Greed's strikes to Ed's right arm actually hurt. But then Greed socks Memory-Ed right in the jaw, cuing a gasp of pain and a little bit of blood and sending Memory-Ed reeling a bit before Greed follows it up with a second punch with the other arm.

Memory-Ed staggers a bit, recovers, and takes a couple of steps forward, delivering an upper-cut to Greed's jaw. Greed is so much taller than Ed that Ed had to fully extend his right arm to deliver the blow. The blow doesn't even faze Greed, and more of the Automail shatters, this time Ed's thumb. That is also going to feel a bit odd to Clark—suddenly, he has no right thumb to control, but it doesn't hurt at all.

The lack of any kind of response to the blow startles Memory-Ed almost as much as losing his thumb does. He stares in shock for a critical moment, while Greed laughs a little. "You still don't understand what you're dealing with, do you?" He hits Memory-Ed again with a clawed right hand, a palm strike that sends Ed flying. He hits a nearby table with his back, then falls to the floor on his stomach, lying there for a moment, starting to ache a little. "Didn't you say I was a mistake you were going to correct?" Greed demands as Ed starts to stir and push himself on to his hands and knees.

Greed's skin is so hard... how the Hell is he supposed to break something with a diamond's strength?

Wait! Diamonds! Carbon—that's the answer. Memory-Ed lets out a small gasp as the realization comes to him—how he can break through Greed's Ultimate Shield and defeat him.

"This is the last time I'll say it," Greed says, voice as hard as his skin. "If you really wanna stop me—"

Memory-Ed looks over his shoulder, still on his hands and knees, and finishes Greed's statement before Greed can. "I'd best be ready to kill. I know."

"And you think you're ready for that, kid?"

Memory-Ed rises to his feet and flexes his right forearm up and down, experimentally. "Remind me to thank my mechanic, wouldja? Even though it's busted to Hell it still functions just fine." He curls the remaining four fingers up into a fist. "Let's go!" He growls, then lunges forward, full of fight again.

"The weight of death on your hands is never easy..." April whispers to Ed. She glances at her mother, who just smiles sweetly at her. As sweetly as she did the day April killed her.

"But this part of your life had an impact. You learned something from it. Your life changed because of it."

"Can you accept that it was a defining moment? That it can't be changed?"

If he needs more encouragement, tell him about me and Titan, Clark says to April through the bond. Whether or not Clark killed him, he's had to accept that it happened, and move on. He never could have become Superman if he hadn't learned how to let go.

She never considered herself brave. For the longest time she was just apathetic. Closer to numb. But she's seeing bravery, now, through Clark's eyes, through Ed's eyes, and April's. "It's hard to make peace," she whispers. "But if J never got ahold of me, I'd never find it in me to be a hero. If this never happened, what would change?"

Real-Ed refuses to take his eyes off the fight, still shaking as he tries to come to terms with what's happening. Memory-Ed/Clark has thrown a couple of punches at Greed, both of which missed, and Greed has him by the collar. "If I hadn't killed Greed..." he begins, voice very quiet. "If I..." He has to trail off as he realizes what's coming: his first use of Alchemy in the fight. Clark's about to experience what it's like, and it's not going to be easy to handle. "Oh.... dammit, I'm about to transmu—"

He cuts himself off as Memory-Ed, arms hanging limp, claps his hands together, and grabs Greed's right wrist. When he clapped, something had... come alive in him, power and energy coursing through his mind, and once he grabs Greed's wrist, there's a tidal wave of raw information flooding into his mind, all of it technical. But fortunately, Ed's mind is capable of interpreting it, and what he's getting confirms his hypothesis: Greed's skin is registering as diamond to him. But beneath that is ordinary muscle, bones, and tendons.

Ed's perception, at least in his mind, shifts slightly; he can still physically see the fight, but mentally, part of his brain is perceiving all of the molecular carbon in an area of skin on Greed's arm, including all of the homunculus's hand and a third of his arm. And Memory-Ed changes that carbon, adjusting how tightly bonded together the atoms are: from diamond to graphite. All of that happens in under a second. It's an extremely intense process, mentally speaking, and this is the first time a non-Alchemist has experienced what goes on inside an Alchemist's head during a transmutation.

The small discharges of static electricity from the transmutation cause Greed to drop Memory-Ed and stagger back, staring at his arm for a moment. Greed can't seem to tell that anything's different, and he tells Ed, "Your Alchemy's worth nothing when you're fighting me!"

Memory-Ed rises to his feet again, teeth gritted. He's only got a small window of time to act... but he's got enough of it to try and deliver a sucker punch.

Greed steps back over to him and says, "Now it's my turn for fun." He brings his arm up to punch Ed's skull in.

Memory-Ed claps his hands together again and jerks his left hand up over his right a little. There's enough metal in the 'knuckle' joints on his Automail and surrounding area to make a set of spikes—and with the second transmutation comes that shift in perception again, only this time it's the atoms of iron, nickel, and chromium in his arm that he's seeing and modifying, and he's only changing how they're arranged. As Greed throws the punch, Ed reacts with lightning speed and meets Greed's fist with his own, the new spiked knuckles on his Automail connecting and burying themselves into Greed's fist.

There's a shower of sparks, yellow this time and completely unrelated to any transmutation. But Greed's skin does start to flake off from the impact, exposing the muscle and tendon and bone beneath his hand. Greed staggers back once more as Memory-Ed rises to his feet, expression still set to grim determination, but inwardly very triumphant. Greed clutches at his arm. "What...? What the Hell is this? What have you done to my Shield, you little bastard?!"

"It's easy when you realize one thing," Memory-Ed replies, calmly. "There are no unexplainable events. Everything results from scientifically measurable actions, even your precious Shield." And Memory-Ed starts explaining to Greed what he's done: he figured out that Greed's Ultimate Shield was made by making the carbon in his body diamond-hard. How Ed exploited the sheer versatility of carbon to turn Greed's skin into something much less resistant to attacks.

Real-Ed takes the moment of reprieve that the lecture his memory-self is giving to gather himself and answer his friends' questions. "If I hadn't killed Greed..." he finally continues, taking a deep breath, "I wouldn't have learned how to kill the other homunculi. There were seven of them, and with the exception of Greed, they were all working together, pulling strings and manipulating the government and the military. Al would've been fine, since Greed had already let him go... but how long would it have taken for me to find that out? Greed refused to tell me where Al was until I delivered a fatal blow." He tries to calm his breathing, remembering what happened a bit further into the fight: another transmutation like the one he did on Greed's hand just now, this time on Greed's abdomen, and a blow that sent Greed staggering. He'd tried to get Greed to take him to Al after that. Greed refused. "I tried," he says, quietly. "I tried everything to prevent it from coming to that. But Greed wouldn't budge, he wouldn't tell me where to find Al until I killed him..." His lips part for a moment. "He manipulated me. He wanted me to kill him... so I would know how to kill the others." Somehow... knowing that helps. The guilt eases a bit; it's still there, but it's no longer overwhelming. "He wanted to die," Ed repeats. "He wanted me to do it because he believed I was the only one who could bring down the other homunculi—and knew that in defeating one homunculus, I would learn how to defeat any other. Thanks to this fight... I had the knowledge I needed to destroy the thing that Al and I created the night we tried to bring our mom back to life. This... this was the only option."

April hugs Ed tightly to her. "And you learned to transmute. You tried to prevent the death... but he manipulated you. And you became stronger because of that."

Ed facing the memory causes it to stop. And a white door appears. The last one.

April looks at it. She doesn't feel strong enough to face her 'wolf', even though she knows that she will have to. But at least, she is not doing it alone. "I will need you Ed and Victor... to help me deal with what is behind that door. My memory."

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