slayers_desire | this is a whole lot of lemons ((tag bizarro-clark))

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clark

this is a whole lot of lemons ((tag bizarro-clark))

April was still trying to deal with the news she received on Christmas day, that the 'Phantom' was falling in love with her and that her Clark was still missing. Life seemed so hard to live following that... and for a week she just had to deal with her inner turmoils and thoughts. There was few she could turn to for comfort, as having 'Clark-Phantom' around was better than no Clark.

New Year's Day passed with no celebration for her. And It was only by some sort of twisted luck that all of this happened around Christmas holidays. So April could deal with her emotions without having to worry about school.

A full week went by before April finally PINpointed to the farm, where 'Clark-Phantom' was staying. Part of it was to check on the farm itself, to make sure that he was caring for the animals and wasn't raising suspicions with Raya. The other part was to check on the Phantom, who was developing touches of humanity himself. Was trying to find himself.

As bad as things sucked right now for her, April still wanted to help. She couldn't feel for The Phantom the way he claimed he felt for her. But he needed one person who he could be honest around, and right now she was it.

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If not for his aura, and the lack of their bond, she would be forgiven for thinking that it really is Clark with the way he goes about his chores. He's having no problem keeping up with the running of the farm, relying on his stolen memories to tell him what to do and where to put things, and even the cows don't seem to notice the difference.

Today he's working on replacing part of the fence of the big pasture, not too far away from the house. He looks up as he hears the sound of a PIN transport.

It feels a little weird to be the only one who knows the truth. April heads towards the fence where he is working, and leans up against it.

"Hi Clark." Right now it is okay to call him that. And her Clark as Kal-El so she can make differences in her head.

"April." He puts up a board, driving the nails through with his bare hands. Just the way the real Clark does.

He dusts his hands off and straightens up to see her. "Checking up on me?"

"Yes." She is not going to lie to him. "I figured that you might need someone to talk to after your first week in this life."

At the very least, April is going to try to be his friend.

He leans against the fence too, his body language just slightly more relaxed than Clark. Without those years of restraint, of needing to keep himself under guard. "It's strange. Calm. I like it."

Never in the world has small talk been so difficult.

"The farm always felt like home to me."

"I've never had a home before. Moving from shelter to shelter isn't the same thing as this." Unlike Clark, he has no problem thinking about his life in the Phantom Zone. Besides his time on Earth, and his recent involuntary trip to Mars, he's never lived anywhere else.

"Raya and I have had discussions on our common experiences. Hers in the Phantom Zone. Mine in Qua-Toth."

"It is nice to find a place where you belong."

"I suppose it is." He doesn't say even though you don't think I belong here, though he wants to.

"You know, this is the first time in my life I've ever been able to just live without fear of someone coming to kill me."

"I remember that feeling. It was weird at first. I was scared to trust. Scared to believe in others who wanted to help."

April is in a difficult position of wanting to respect the Phantom's right to live and belong -- and just wanting her boyfriend back. She doubts both can happen. The Phantom believes Clark would hurt him on sight. And is not giving up on his beliefs that even she is trying to get rid of him.

"It took time for me to find my place."

"Tell me about it," he asks. Wondering if there's anything he can do that maybe she did, herself. And showing interest in her past because of that remembered affection for her.

"Well... unfortunately my first experience being free of Qua-Toth was with my mother. I still hated her so much because she just gave me up. And Dru was able to use my distrust and raw emotions to her advantage."

"I wasn't much different when I first met father. But something inside me finally broke down. Finally didn't want to be seen as a monster anymore."

"We're not that different, you know. You and I. I've had a lot of time to think these past few months, since I've been trapped on Mars."

"I never claimed that we were different in any way."

"I didn't say you did." He's trying to be someone she'll like being around, but it's sort of like singing a song where you only know half the words.

"When I first got this body, it was the first time I'd had one of my own, and not a host. I didn't know what to do about it. I thought I needed to become him in every way, and I was scared that I'd be killed for being a Zoner. Because the crystal wouldn't work on me."

"And you still give off vibes that you think I am going to hurt you. Or trick you." April explained softly.

"I am trying to be your friend. But this is all really weird for me."

"When you first left Qua-Toth, how long did it take for you to start trusting people? After knowing nothing but survival in such a hostile place. I spent decades in the Phantom Zone before coming here, at least. Maybe it was longer. It's hard to tell. All my life I've known not to trust anyone. It's not something I can just get over that fast."

Especially since she's still unsure about him. Wanting the real Clark back.

"And loving Kal-El is something that I just can't get over that fast." April felt necessary to point out. He wanted an equal opportunity, he would have to respect her emotions too.

"I am here aren't I? I thought it would be nice to be around someone you didn't have to lie to."

"I know. I'm not trying to fight with you." He's a little frustrated, though not with her.

"I am glad you're here. I don't have to worry about hiding from you." Because even with his new life, taking over Clark's, he still has to be careful. Has to hide. But at least he's willing to try, now. "But I only want you to be here if you want to be."

"I came here to check on you. This all must be difficult for you. I know how it feels to be in a new world, and not sure who you can trust and who you can't trust."

"My biggest problem is still the sun," he admits. "It's been overcast for most of the past week, but that won't last forever. I can't go outside without worrying. And every time my skin turns to stone, I'm reminded that I'm defective." He still harbors a lot of hostility towards the Kryptonian scientists who made him, even though there's nothing he can do about it now. They're all long dead.

"I have problems with the sun too."

"It never will change for me. And I am not sure how I can help you."

"Help me find a way to fix me," he asks. "We might not be able to ask the Nexus for help without giving me away, but there has to be something, somewhere. I'm a failed experiment, but maybe they didn't try hard enough."

Cautiously stepping forward, April reached out to touch his arm. She called upon her visions to guide her to a way to fix the Phantom.

Back on Krypton, there may have been a way to fix his condition, but under the red sun, no one knew it was a problem. Now, his only hope for a cure lies with the few Kryptonian scientists left on Earth. And it will not be possible to ask Raya without her trying to kill him.

Though her voices may not suggest it, the idea of sending him to the Fortress for answers might come up in her own thoughts.

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