slayers_desire | this is a whole lot of lemons ((tag bizarro-clark))

April was still trying to deal with the news she received on Christmas day, that the 'Phantom' was falling in love with her and that her Clark was still missing. Life seemed so hard to live following that... and for a week she just had to deal with her inner turmoils and thoughts. There was few she could turn to for comfort, as having 'Clark-Phantom' around was better than no Clark.

New Year's Day passed with no celebration for her. And It was only by some sort of twisted luck that all of this happened around Christmas holidays. So April could deal with her emotions without having to worry about school.

A full week went by before April finally PINpointed to the farm, where 'Clark-Phantom' was staying. Part of it was to check on the farm itself, to make sure that he was caring for the animals and wasn't raising suspicions with Raya. The other part was to check on the Phantom, who was developing touches of humanity himself. Was trying to find himself.

As bad as things sucked right now for her, April still wanted to help. She couldn't feel for The Phantom the way he claimed he felt for her. But he needed one person who he could be honest around, and right now she was it.

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"But you didn't. You got to know him, but you never thought of replacing me with him." He can see it in her mind, through the bond, that she never wanted the phantom like that.

She leans towards him, "You are the only man I could ever desire."

So much time has passed since they were last together. And she knows that this is not the first time that their relationship has suffered difficulties. And while things feel weird... she still loved him. Misses him.

"I am scared Clark. I never felt this way before."

He puts his arm around her, letting her lean on him, for both physical and emotional support. "It's okay to be scared. Just remember that you did nothing wrong. And I still love you."

"I still love you." April appreciated his support. "I just can't get this thought that being intimate right now would still be betraying you. So... it might take me some time."

"It's okay. I think I might need some time to adjust, too... find out if the phantom did anything I need to know about. Or apologize for."

She sort of expect that Clark would need time to adjust. The thing that confuses her is that she had always been confident about her passions for him. And having that unbalanced is upsetting.

"Good thing we have practice being patient." A small smile.

"Yeah. I just wish you hadn't already had to be patient for... three weeks?" He's not quite sure, but it's been at least that. Maybe a few more days.

"About that." There was a lot of their relationship she missed during that time. Being seperated from the bond made it feel like she was alone in the world. "It would sort of like I was mourning for a loss, that I wasn't ready to give up."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. But I am grateful that you never gave up on me." It was a form of torture to know that she was still there, outside of his reach, while he was trapped in a block of ice. Unmoving, unbreathing, unfeeling, but still alive and awake and in complete isolation.

"We were both isolated for that time. And while a part of me wants to return to what we had... the other part is scared." April admits. "I am so scared that something bad will happen. To take you away from me again."

"I can't promise that it'll never happen again," he says, dearly wishing that he could. "But I can promise you this: no matter what happens, I will always come home to you. Always."

A soft sob of relief as she hugs him tightly. His love is strong enough that she knows that he will be patient during this time in her life.

"Can I stay here tonight? I missed being at the farm."

With as often as she's been patient with him, whenever he needs time to himself, he can't begrudge her the same thing. She's waited for him. He doesn't mind waiting for her. "Of course you can."

April knows some of the things she previously thought about during the last time they weren't about to be intimate. And wonders if Clark will think of the same things during this time.

"I want you here. I just don't know if I can be in the same bed."

"Oh." When he thinks about it, though, it does make sense. For the last week, whenever she's seen his face, it hasn't been him. And she has a lot to think about. "I can sleep on the couch, if you want."

"My gentleman boyfriend. I was going to take the couch because this is my request." Another small smile.

And now he's worrying that maybe she doesn't want to sleep in his parents' room because the phantom slept in there, even though he doesn't know if that even happened. He has so much to find out about what the phantom did while pretending to be him. "Hey, if worse comes to worse I can sleep in the barn," he says, with a hint of lightheartedness. It's still true, though; he isn't bothered by the cold, and there's no one currently living here who would find it odd.

It was more that she didn't want to force him out of his bed. And she wants him there when she returns to that bed. Right now she is not ready for that.

"You would still hear me there, if I need you?"

"I would hear you even if I was on the other side of the state," he tells her. Not sure how much touching she can stand right now, and settling for a chaste kiss on the cheek. "Whether through my ears, or our bond, or my heart."

She cuddles a little closer after the chaste kiss. It is enough to remind her of the bond, but doesn't test those uneasy boundaries at the moment.

"Good. I haven't been sleeping well at night. And I... just want you here in case I need you."

"I'll be here if you need me," he promises. And then smiles a little. "And even if you don't."

"I still need you. I always have." Just having their bond back is going to help her dream easier.

He hugs her just that little bit tighter, a gentle squeeze. "I'll be here."

Leaning in, April softly places a chaste kiss on his lips. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."

He smiles a little, not pushing her boundaries, content to wait. "You're welcome. You know I'd do anything for you."

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