slayers_desire | dealing with the King of Hearts (tag deadgirlsliekme)

Yes, yes he is. It's a sickness (almost literally).

Victor's gripping the floor tightly -- or, well, he would be if he had physical fingers. His breathing's shaky and frightened. "He's still in there," he whispers, as the vines tighten. "I d-don't even know -- please be still, I know I'm worthless, you don't need to tell me every moment. . . ." The wave of positivity and the mention of Alice gives him something to hold on to. "You're not getting her," he says, voice a little stronger. "I meant what I said -- whatever it takes to stop you--"

"Worry about gaining control, instead of removing him for a moment. He had bond himself strongly to you."

"And you are not worthless." April accents that. "I do not believe that. Alice does not believe that."

"Think about all the times that you have shared with Alice. See yourself from her eyes... she loves you Victor. And she needs you to be strong enough to take control. And defeat the King."

"I n-noticed," Victor says, as he gets another painful squeeze. Ugh, damn it, his spectral self should be immune to pain. . . .

Focusing on Alice does help. It reminds him of all the good times, all that he'd hoped for in their relationship. . .and all he stands to lose if he does let the King take over. Get back! Leave me alone, leave them alone, leave everybody alone!

I deserve to live again! the King snarls back. You don't deserve to be Alice's consort! The world would be much improved if you left it! You know that!

I know I'm -- I have friends, I can't be -- she loves me, she loves me, she'd hurt to see me dead--

Your friends would prefer me, the King presses relentlessly. Someone who's more than a self-pitying dreamer.

There is not much April can do but hover and listen.

"I believe that Alice selected Victor to be her consort because of the wonderful man she saw. She is prepared to face lifes challenges with Victor... and is willing to walk by his side in the darkest of times."

"As for his friends... trust me when I say that I prefer Victor over you. His dreams are wonderful. And should be treasured. He is always there for me when I need him. And I understand when the dark times get him down... because I have had them too."

"He is brave. He is strong. And most of all... Victor has done great things since coming to the Nexus."

Isn't that the most annoying thing about the enemy within? One wants to help, but there's only so much one can do. . . .

"Getting through that without laughing once? I'm impressed," the King says, momentarily getting control of the voice. "I fail to see any signs of greatness."

"I don't care about being great, I simply care about my friends and my girlfriend being safe!" Victor protests. "And it's my body, and -- why are you so dead-set on killing me?"

"I--" Suddenly the King looks discombobulated. There isn't a clear reason, is there? There's just this all-consuming hatred that -- that doesn't feel quite right. Like he's somehow come back wrong, grabbed onto something in Victor's mind that he shouldn't have. Why do I. . .

The momentary confusion is just enough time. Victor shoves the King back mentally, then slams up the blocks as hard as he can. He can feel the King scrabbling at them, but for the moment, he's gotten control again. The black fades from his spectral self as he shakes, becoming mere wisps to indicate the King's continued presence. "Oh God, I can never sleep again," he mumbles.

There is some relief from April as she sees the black fade from the spectral form of Victor. She removes the mental shield around the spectral form, and kneels beside him.

"You did wonderfully Victor. The King still might be with you... but at least now you can go to Alice as you."

"For how long?" Victor whimpers. "If I let down my guard once, he might come back. And I don't think he'd even think of letting me stay back there. . . ." He looks near tears. "And if he tries to bring back the Queen, I'll have the destruction of Wonderland on my conscience. Not to mention -- he may say now he has no interest in hurting my friends, but what if--" He shudders. "I don't even know why he's there, what he wants with me. . . ."

"I can't tell you that, Victor. But you are strong enough to retain your own personality."

"Listen... I know how it feels to fight a dark force every day of your life. And I will help you as much as I can. But there is a lot only you can do."

"You won't let the King get to Alice, or bring back the Queen, or ruin Wonderland. Because you love Alice. And you would do anything to protect her."

"Am I? If he d-did this once. . . ." Victor, you might be your own worst enemy in this -- wait, there's no "might" about it, given the nature of the fight.

"I'm so sorry if it's anything like this," he says. "No one should have to go through this."

He shakes his head in the affirmative. "Exactly. I really would do anything." Unfortunately, anything includes a rather dark, if blessedly brief, thought that seems to include straight razors. And his neck.

"Victor. He took advantage of you because you were not ready for him. Now you are." April replied. Not letting Victor give up on himself.

The flicker of thought unfortunately reaches April. "You should return to your body... so we can talk easier."

She needs to figure out how to approach the don't kill yourself speech.

Victor has to concede that point, even if he is still feeling horribly nervous about this whole thing.

Victor eyes his body slumped on the couch. He's honestly a little nervous about re-entering it. He's fairly certain that the only reason he got control upon leaving it was because the King had no idea about his power. And in that split-second of darkness between being out and being in, couldn't he. . .but he can't stay out forever, either. (He doesn't even know if he can.) He takes a deep breath (or the spectral equivalent thereof) and nods. "Yes, you're right. . . ." He goes over and, after a moment's hesitation, touches it.

There's a flash of green, then Victor sits up, eyes darting around wildly. He relaxes slightly as he realizes that he's still in control. He drags himself up to a sitting position, running a hand over his forehead. It's been a tough day.

Standing, April moves into the kitchen, makes a cup of tea for Victor (using the microwave), and also preparing herself a mug of something in the same microwave.

Returning to the couch, she hands him the cup of tea. "Victor. How long have you thought about cutting yourself?"

Victor accepts the cup of tea gratefully. Her question, however, is a lot less welcome. He was hoping she hadn't heard any of that. "It -- it was only the o-once," he protests truthfully. "I was fifteen, and I'd h-had a bad day, and -- I w-wasn't thinking clearly." He's unable to look her in the eye. He's never told anyone about this. It's a source of shame for him. "I j-just wanted it all to s-stop. . . . It was s-stupid of me to think that way," he adds. "I've n-never let myself get that l-low again." He pauses, considers what she might have heard just now. "W-what I was just thinking isn't the same," he whispers. "That would be a l-last resort to keep everyone s-safe."

Being the open ear for Victor to talk to, April listens as she sips from her mug. "It was the same... killing yourself as a last resort is not the answer. If anything, it would devestate Alice further."

"There are other ways to deal with this. You are stronger than that."

"I--" She has a point. Having to see someone else she loved dead -- what would that do to Alice? He's just so worried. . .and having been stuck in the back of his own mind, helpless to do anything but watch as the King pretended to be him, isn't helping matters. "I'm not usually like this," he says, staring at his tea as if it holds all the answers. "I don't know -- I don't want to be the cause of Wonderland falling to ruin again."

"We all have dark times Victor. This is one of yours. I am not upset that you are unsure of yourself... I would be too. But you have to fight against that uncertainity and become a stronger Victor."

April ponders for a moment. "Have you ever thought that perhaps having the King bond to you will bind you closer to Alice. By fighting him... you could stand by her side to save Wonderland."

"I want to fight him," he says desperately. "I can't let him h-hurt anyone. I just. . .it's rather a lot to take right now."

Victor thinks about it himself, sipping his tea. "It could," he says. "I honestly don't know her opinion on the King. Apparently he was long gone by the time the Queen -- ran amok." He really does need to find her, maybe figure out if he can borrow the Vorpal Blade (no, not to use it like that). . .except -- "Why doesn't he have his own body?" he mumbles, confused. Why did he have to get himself possessed?

"These are the things you need to figure out. With Alice. I am confident you and she can protect Wonderland together."

"Just like how I help Clark protect Smallville. And someday soon, it will be Metropolis." She has to smile softly at that.

There's the faintest suggestion of a smile on his lips. "I'm g-glad one of us is."

He nods and has more tea. "T-thank you for helping me," he adds. "I -- I don't know what might have happened. . . ."

"I am sure your other friends would have been there for you. They do appreciate having you in their lives."

"Oh yes," Victor says. "I would be surprised Doc didn't notice earlier, but he's had other things on his mind." At least, that's what he thinks -- he and the King saw Doc and Dee hashing something out. "I'm sure they -- they would have done what they could."

Clark had not mentioned his time with Dee, so April can't offer any clue to Doc's distress. "That is what friends do."

"Victor. I think you need someone to talk to. About all this."

Victor looks at her over the rim of his cup, expression clearly reading, Is this a hint to get me to go to Alice? Because yes, he really ought to talk to her, but maybe she means another friend first. . . .

April smiled. "I am not going to push you to talk to Alice, even though I will continue to stress that talking to her is a good first step."

"I was more thinking... someone neutral. A therapist." Recently Clark has been seeing a therapist, and it has been a supportive way for him to express the guilt in her boyfriend's heart.

"A therapist?" Victor repeats, eyes wide. He's never thought he needed therapy before. Psychology is barely a science where and when he comes from. Besides, where is he going to find a --

He pauses, then laughs in a slightly hollow way. "You're right, talking to Alice would be a good first step. Mostly because she's the most likely one to find a therapist for me." Wouldn't that be ironic, if she ended up recommending him to her Dr. Wilson. . . .

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