the penalty of the mind ((for Victor))

[slayers_desire]

The truth of the matter there little to help Lorne with his sickness. The cancer affecting his body was brought on my his own mind and soul, who deemed it necessary to balance the wrong that Lorne had committed. And it seemed that no matter who spoke to him... or who visited him, as a medical expert or psychologist, Lorne was not getting better.

April had visited him a few times. She had learned that not even her psychic abilities could cure the darkness in Lorne's mind. And after the last visit, also learned that Lorne was making preparations so that the new Initiative could inherit the bar.

And so, she decided to put in a call to Victor, someone who Lorne had connected with a long time ago. Hopefully... a quick visit could help the ailing man.

Comments

[victormakesart]

She gets there as soon as she can-- her stomach is communing with her feet, face flushed, muscles clenched hard as fists. Not Lorne, please not Lorne, he's edged at the top of her list of favorite people ever. She connected with him right away. Maybe it's the empath thing. Maybe it's because he's got that same sense of lounge singer camp that she does. The irreverent quips. The bright clothes. He's probably her soul mate.

She's in such a rush that she forgets her leg braces. And her shoes. (Her socks don't match. One is a bright purple with yellow stars. One is green stripes.)

[slayers_desire]

Since it is mid-afternoon, there is little action in the bar area of Caritas. However, when Victor arrives in the back area -- where the Scoobies gather -- there are a few new faces that she has never seen before.

All of the members of the Iniative are cyborgs. Some of them are more machine than human flesh.

Lorne himself is in a chair, reading a book. He is covered by a mass of blankets. And his usual green skin is so washed out it looks gray. April is by his side, waiting for Victor to arrive.

[victormakesart]

Cyborgs! That would lift her spirits, under any other circumstances, but now... she's pretty sure that no one and nothing will make her feel better. She leans heavily on her cane as she makes her way to Lorne, moving faster than usual, moving more like she does on patrol. Out of costume she likes to take her time, mislead strangers into thinking she's weaker than she is. It's a safety precaution. "Oh, Lorne...."

[buffyverse_npcs]

Despite his weak nature, Lorne still has the biggest smile in the world for Victor. "Hello darling..."

[victormakesart]

She takes his hand, presses a kiss to his knuckles. She's at a loss for words. Part of her wants to take him by the shoulders and make him feel better. The rest of her just wants to cry.

[buffyverse_npcs]

He moves, as gingerly as he can, to hug her tightly. Her presence is a comfort to him... even at this time.

"Hey now there darling..."

[victormakesart]

She hugs him back, face hot and eyes welling up. "I don't want you to go away," she says, voice cracking, chin against the crook of his neck.

[buffyverse_npcs]

"I will always be with you..." He said with a soft smile. "Just not in the flesh..."

[victormakesart]

"It's not the same," she says, blinking back tears, chewing down at her lip. "I need you to stay."

[buffyverse_npcs]

"I can't ask you to do the same, love..."

[victormakesart]

"You can, though. I would." She pulls away just a little, but keeps holding his hand.

[buffyverse_npcs]

"The biggest tragedy of life... is that it comes to an end. It is a reality, my dearest."

[victormakesart]

"Not always. Not... not always. How many times did Angel get around that? Buffy? Spike? There's always a way out. A spell, a medicine, something."

[buffyverse_npcs]

"Now now, love... you know that they might have escaped death a few times... but even their destiny is limited. There is no Immortal."

"And it would be a sad life to be one... watching everyone else around me dying."

[victormakesart]

"B-but how come you can't stay another ten, twenty, fifty years? Why does it have to be now?"

[buffyverse_npcs]

"I never asked those questions when I took someone else's life..." Lorne mourned quietly.

[victormakesart]

"I'm sure you did what you had to do," Victor insists. "Lorne, you're the best of all of us."

[buffyverse_npcs]

"No... I did what I was asked. But it wasn't what I had to do. You all would be upset if someone shot me, and said they had to..."

"Why am I better than the person I shot? Why do I deserve to live, and not him?"

[victormakesart]

"Good men do bad things sometimes, if it's required. Sentencing yourself to death doesn't make it any better. It just means that you've killed two men."

[buffyverse_npcs]

"It was against my nature. Simple as that. I can't take it back. No matter how much it upsets everyone."

"It is upsetting that they don't care about the life they cost... just mine. I don't matter that much."

[victormakesart]

"I do care. I do. It's just that... that you have so much more good left to give, and--a-and, I can't imagine things without you." Tears splash off her nose, onto her cheek. She presses a kiss to his forehead, between his horns. "Please stay. We can figure out how to honor his life together."

[slayers_desire]

"It is simply not my choice anymore."

April frowns softly, knowing that this is a difficult time for them both.

[victormakesart]

That pulls the wind right out of her sails, and any attempt at being strong crumples. She's good as long as it's something she can argue. Something she can fight against, something she can reason with. In a small, broken voice, she says, "What'll I do?"

[slayers_desire]

"How about spending time with me now?" Lorne gave her a weak smile.

[victormakesart]

She nods weakly, and burrows her head in his shoulder. Though she hates it, she can't help but have a long, messy, ugly cry right now. She feels like she's losing an arm.