slayers_desire | nightmares that invoke powers

Entry tags:

destiny

nightmares that invoke powers

Truth be told, it was hard for April to not remember that moment when Clark died in the hospital. It affected her deeply. And later that night, when she fell asleep, the memory affected her dreams.

April was alone in the hospital. Her hands still covered with Clark's blood. She stared out the window, where Clark and Lionel Luthor were standing side-by-side floating in the sky. And she reached out as they slowly moved away from her.

In the voice of Jor-El, Lionel told Clark "She has served her purpose. It is time to leave her behind. To seek someone more worthy of your destiny."

"No! Don't take him from me! Please give me a chance!" April called out.

There was nothing she could do. Clark was moving forward towards his destiny. To become greater and stronger, and the hero that the world deserved. And she was being left behind. Her heart struggling to fight the strength to fight for him.

"I love him!"

Her last words woke April from the dream, them echoed on her lips as sweat covered her face. She gasped for air, her hands still feeling sticky with the imagery of blood on them.

It took her several moments to realize that she was inches away from the ceiling. And giving another sharp gasp, April looked around to realize that her powers had lifted every object in the room up into the air, because of the strong emotions she had during the nightmare.

Floating there... surrounded by all the other floating objects... April didn't know what to do. She struggled to keep everything up in the air, so her world wouldn't crash down around her.

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Clark isn't exactly sleeping well himself, but at least he doesn't levitate anything but himself, and only when he has peaceful dreams. So he's a bit surprised to wake up and find the bed floating with him on it, and everything else in the room drifting upwards as well. "...April?"

She is shaking beside him. Hearing his voice, April turned and clung to him tightly. "Oh God Clark... How do I stop this?"

He holds onto her, and using his own powers of flight, slowly pushes the bed down with them on it. He can't do anything for anything else at the moment. "Stay calm. Deep breaths. It's okay."

Holding tight to him, April is reminded that he has been returned from the dead. He has not been taken from her. And slowly breaths to calm herself. The other furniture drift back to the ground.

There is going to be a slight bang as they do hit the ground. But not as loud as it could have been.

"Is it?" She whispers.

No longer needing to hold onto her to keep them stable, he lets go with one hand and smooths down her hair. "What happened?"

"I had a nightmare." That much is obvious.

"I was back in the hospital. Your blood was on my hands..." April had to look down at her hands to make sure the blood was gone. She reached forward to lift hsi shirt to touch his chest. To make sure the wound is gone.

"I..." There is more. She is trying to formulate the words.

He lets her look, lets her feel, to make sure that he's not bleeding or dying. The only mark on him is the mark of their tree, still etched into his skin despite his resurrection. "I'm okay. I'm still here." He gets the feeling this is going to disturb her for a long time, and he doesn't blame her in the slightest. The whole thing was horrible, no matter who's remembering it, and they're both going to be feeling the aftereffects for quite some time to come.

When her fingers reach his tattoo, it gives April a brief glimmer of hope. Their symbol still marks him. "You were being taken away from me. In the dream. Not just by death..."

"But my Jor-El."

He feels the guilt, the horrible knowledge that someone has to die because of him, and keeps that thought from reaching her. But lets her know that he speaks the truth when he says, "I'm not going anywhere. Jor-El isn't taking me and I'm not leaving."

His words and the guilt radiating off him conflict each other. April folds her hands, and tries to voice her helplessness.

"If Jor-El is not taking you... why have you been acting so strange? Something must have happened..."

"There is just no happiness... when we should be celebrating your return."

Clark puts his hands over hers, trying to figure out how to put it into words. He doesn't want to tell her, doesn't want anyone to know, even though he's already admitted the truth to Victor. But he's more afraid for April, and his parents, because he thinks Jor-El is far, far more likely to choose one of them. And he couldn't stand it if they blamed him for putting this axe over their heads, waiting for it to fall, not knowing who is going to pay for Clark's failure.

"I don't want you to hate me."

That came out of nowhere. "I could never hate you."

"Why do you think I would hate you?"

"Because it's my fault. I messed up, and..." He doesn't want to say it, doesn't want her to make him tell her what's wrong. But this is hurting her, hurting him, and he can't help thinking she has a right to know. "Being brought back, it... it isn't for free."

"Whoa... sweetie... it is not your fault." April pulled Clark to her. Holding him tight. She runs her fingers through his hair.

"I can tell you are hurting. I want to help you deal with the pain." She touches the tattoo. "So we can deal with whatever is bothering you. Together."

"It's not? What is the price?"

Victor told him that, too, but he still doesn't believe it. It is his fault. He broke his word with Jor-El in the first place.

He closes his eyes, not wanting to look at her when he says this, so he won't have to see the hurt and betrayal in her eyes. Or the fear. "A life for a life."

Her fingers slow slightly in her caressing of his hair. Not because she is mad at Clark. Or feels betrayed. But because she remembers what Future-Clark had told her about Jonathan.

"Oh." She embraces him tighter. "No wonder you are in so much pain."

"Did Jor-El tell you who?"

He's still utterly convinced that she's going to hate him for this, and her pause in touching him seems to confirm that fear, despite the hug. "No. He said it would be someone I love." And he's so terrified that it will be her, that they both have to survive losing the one that they love, and even though she got him back, he would never see her again.

Clark's statement does confirm April's fear. But she is thinking about Jonathan right now. And the theory it could be her doesn't cross her mind.

And now she fears Clark will hate her. Because of the knowledge that she has kept from him all this time. "That is not fair. You were not responsible for anything that happened. And to make you bear this burden alone..."

"God I am tempted to give Jor-El a piece of my mind." April sighed. Kissing his forehead. "But that didn't work last time."

"Are you sure we can't fight this? Change this somehow?"

He shakes his head. "I asked him, but he said it was too late. And... that the lessons we learn from pain make us the strongest." He doesn't want to believe that, doesn't want to have to lose someone just to make him stronger. But there's nothing he can do about it.

Then he realizes what she said just before that. "Wait. You spoke to Jor-El?"

"But this sort of pain. It will affect the whole family." April sighed. "And I hate the thought of you feeling responsible for the death of someones who love."

She hadn't meant to say anything. But couldn't lie to him. "Yes. When you were human. I wanted to try to reason with him. Tell him about Zod's arrival."

He wraps his arms around her a little tighter, not wanting to let go. "Even if it's you?"

He's astonished that she went all the way to the Fortress and never told him, and that she went to argue his case. For him. And it's touching, even through his concern and guilt. "What did he say?"

"That is the thing, Clark. I fear it won't be me." Doesn't he realize that she would give her life for him. If she had to. And her next statement is softer. "I... fear it might be Jonathan."

With a soft sigh, April brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Nothing. I just stood outside the Fortress door. Spoke my piece. And then left."

"I guess I didn't change things. Because you lost your life. And now you are okay... with your powers and everything... and more pain has to be endured."

It hurts, to think about losing his dad, especially when he already blames himself for his dad's condition to some extent. "He's already suffered so much because of Jor-El, and me... it could be him, or Mom, or you, or anyone. And I just... don't know."

"You don't know that." Now it's his turn to reassure her. "Maybe he meant to return my powers soon, but this made him have to do it sooner. When I told him why I broke my word, he... looked like he already knew. And he looked like he didn't want to have to do this either."

"I think the thing you are missing is... no matter who it is... if it Jonathan... or Martha... or me... none of us will blame you for anything."

"Death is a natural part of life. And after losing you, I thought for sure it was my fault somehow. But... that is not right. We can't let ourselves think like that."

April sighed. "It is hard at times. I know Jor-El is just an AI... but a part of me wishes so much for me to be accepted by him. I know I should be grateful enough that Martha and Jonathan have. And that Spike has accepted you."

Listening to Clark explain how Jor-El didn't want to have his son feel pain, April kissed the top of his forehead. "Maybe you and he are getting closer. I hope you will be comfortable talking to him about your heritage."

He still doesn't believe it, doesn't see how his death could've been her fault, but with this there's a clear path of blame that leads directly to him and his failure to return to the Fortress by sundown. "Don't tell Mom and Dad," he begs her. "If they find out... I want it to be me."

Clark doesn't expect Jor-El to accept April, or any of his human friends and family, especially with how he's acted in the past. But part of him hopes, too, that April will gain his approval as well, because he has no intention of leaving her behind. "Maybe... if he sees how you're helping me, trying to bring me to where he wants me to be, he'll accept you."

He nods a little, still holding her hand in his, and strokes the back of her hand with his thumb. "I'll... I'll go talk to him. Soon."

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